How to be a Good Listener

Bismillahi Walhamdulillah...

One of the best ways to communicate your love to your child is to listen to him. Attentive listening, giving your child your full attention and letting him speak without interrupting or judging, shows respect for your child, and helps to build self-esteem.

It makes a child feel confident that his opinions, interests and thoughts are worth listening to. It encourages him to open up and communicate with you. And it is also one of the best ways of keeping in touch with your child and how he is developing, especially as he goes through the teenage years, when you are likely to be surprised by some of the changes taking place.

 Show that you are interested when he talks. Make eye contact (with smaller children this may mean getting down to their height), face him directly and lean in towards him.

 Be open. Don’t cross your arms or hunch forward in an aggressive way. If your child feels judged before he even starts he’ll clam up.

 Let him finish. Don’t interrupt with your views or interpretations until he’s had his say; if he dries up just ask a few open questions (What? Why? How?) to encourage him to carry on.

 Reflect back what you hear. You can do this by repeating some of the words or phrases your child has used, or his last sentence, or by commenting on his emotional reactions – for example, ‘You seem angry’ – to show him that you understand what he’s telling you.

 Be unshockable. Children often say things for effect, to test your reactions, and shrieking in horror might make him clam up.

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